I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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