The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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