Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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