He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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