My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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