Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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i would one night stand the shit outta him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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