the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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