I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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