Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize