Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize