I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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