Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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