just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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