Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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