Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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