I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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