Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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