Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize