Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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