You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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