listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
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