i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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