I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
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Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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