Already got asked if we're dating
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize