i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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