I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
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Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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