She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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