The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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