The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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