I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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