You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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