glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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