Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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