I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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