I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize