I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize