I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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