I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize