Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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