you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize