Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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