I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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