literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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