Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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