Please, let me fuck your mom
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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