Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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