He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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