Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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