he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize