Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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